With a heavy heart, fragmented mind and a sharp knife
She sat there, contemplating a swipe.
Wanting to end it all, 
Tempting was the peace’s call.
A voice told her, “No, there’s still hope”
To hold on, as this is a dangerous slope.
Another said, “Do it, it’s intelligent”
It will be easy like an experiment.
The third voice had nothing to prove
It only stood there watching her every move
She waited, thought and tried to decide.
Her hands betrayed, they failed to abide.
Drip! Drip! Drops fell
Thick, crimson-red cell.
A voice told her to call for the ambulance
To stop this madness and the turbulence.
Another sat there in ecstasy of freedom 
From all the pain, guilt and demon.
The last one just stood there 
Watching her shiver in fear.
With a heavy heart, fragmented mind and a red knife
Unable to choose between the present or the afterlife.
She waited, thought and tried to decide
Sitting there contemplating her suicide. 

This piece got published in Through the Looking Glass: Reflecting on Madness and Chaos Within by Indie Blu(e) Publishing. This anthology digs deep into the experience of living with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and other neurodivergent conditions, as well as the challenges of loving someone who struggles with such an illness.

Cheers, 🙂

34 thoughts on “Voices”

    1. I tried to explore what once goes through when contemplating suicidal thoughts, this has always intrigued me.
      Your kind words are a motivation, dear, thank you so much. 🙏🙏🤗💙

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I understand, we, as writers, tend to venture into these places at times due to our experiences but it is important and necessary to come out too.
          I hope the same for you 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  1. Hi Bulbul I do think many people make cries for help when they are not seriously wanting to die but in a horrible depression. However both my parents did commit suicide and their acts were well thought out and definitive. I expect people who hear voices are very ill. I am glad you told us you were find otherwise I would worry. Love ❤️ you Bulbul

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree completely, sometimes people are so confused and depressed to clearly think what they want.
      How terrible!! I am really very sorry to hear about your loss. I hope you are doing better. (Tight hugs)
      I am fine, dear, thanks for looking out for me. I am grateful 🙏❣️
      Love, Bulbul ❤️🖤❤️

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you Bulbul. I wasn’t even 30 when I lost both my parents. My next book is going to be about my experience growing up in a home with two alcoholic, very sick parents. I still miss my parents and feel badly that they had horrible childhoods themselves, however that is why we all have to work hard to break that cycle. I survived and so much more and my writing was a release as a child and still helps. Have a really wonderful day Bulbul and thanks for the hugs, I actually needed some today. Love you Joni

        Liked by 4 people

        1. You know, you are so brave and an inspiration to others! It takes really a lot of strength to do what you are doing. I am very glad to hear that you have your writing which helps you.
          Anytime dear, have a great day ahead.❤️❤️😄

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you so much for your kind words and support 🙏❤️❤️☺️. Means a lot to me. I am elated to know that you enjoyed my work!


  2. Yes, as a military Veteran with PTSD I played this same scenario over and over during 1975, 78, 80, and beyond. Ideation became the only friend I had. One must keep the faith, everything will pass. We have the power to begin our lives anew. Have faith. Believe in yourself. I am so happy I never pulled the trigger, quit sleeping with a knife beside me. Once I surrendered to Someone greater than I, my life changed for the best. Be kind to yourselves. You are the only true witness to your life. Write about it. Prayers always, and blessings of peace.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am sorry that you had to go through all of this but you are right, we all need to believe in ourselves and not be so hard all the time. Everyone, including us, deserves our kindness.
      I hope you are doing much better now!
      Thank you for sharing your experience with me, it means a lot.
      Wishing you the very best for your future!
      Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. As a writer, once in awhile my words take me (and the reader) to a darker place. It is challenging to immerse oneself in this type of environment, and you have successfully completed a journey there. Yes, I believe in eternal life through my Savior Jesus. God’s peace.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree completely, sometimes, we can’t help it and exploring a different niche is liberating as well. 🙂

      That’s good to know. 🙂

      Thank you so much for reading, I am really glad that you like it.
      Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 how can you write so brilliantly?!! This is really good Bulbul especially as it was an experimental piece.

    The dilemma, the conflict and that third silent voice. I am blown away

    Liked by 4 people

    1. (Me blushing 😊) Thank you so much, Pallavi, you always say the best things 💖😘. I am really glad that you enjoyed it.
      I always wonder a lot about the state of mind of the person when he/she goes through something like that. This is my interpretation of all that.
      Thanks again! Enjoy the festive season 😉💖
      Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  5. The theme is ofcourse definitely depressing and noone should go down this lane, but the way you choose your words and your way of writing is truly remarkable and i loved your poem.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. You are absolutely right, dear! Sometimes people go to these places and never return…I really wish that no one ever goes through this ever again!
      Thank you very much for your kind words, I am really glad that you liked it! I appreciate the gesture. Enjoy the festive season, Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

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